you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
