Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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