All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
