Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
