My room smells like vodka and shame
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
