I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
