I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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