i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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