im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
