I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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