Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
