she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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