Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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