Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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