I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
