weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
