I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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