Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
