he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
