Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
