Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
