I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently you make a good broom.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
