I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
