she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I am morally bankrupt
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
