I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
