We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
