Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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