Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
