You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
