If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
