Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
