"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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