i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
