omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
