Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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