cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
a search helicopter?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
