Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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