somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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