I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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