He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
