Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize