U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
