12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My dick has a subreddit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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