South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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