Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
