I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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