my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
