I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I intend to get homeless drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your penis caused this!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
