Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
