I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
