Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
false alarm, still single
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
