My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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