never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
