Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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