Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
