Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
