the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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