You're my little dorito
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
