The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
