dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
