They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
