It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
