You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
