well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
