for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
