I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
