Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
