Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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