I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
