yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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