Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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