In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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