don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
