I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
