ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
