He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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