How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can't special order awesome
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize