There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
