the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
